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Jokes Laughs from around the world

A rather confident man walks into a pub and sits next to a very pretty lady. He gives her a look, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any underwear."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn watch must be 1 hour fast."

A young lady walks into a supermarket. On her way round she sees the man who'd had his way with her the previous evening, after they had met in a club. He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves.

"You lying git !" she shouts, "last night you told me you were a stunt pilot !".

"No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."

I would love to be a vampire as I wouldn't have a reflection. I would have hours of fun going into public toilets where there are a lot of people, standing by the main mirror and freaking everyone out !

First I was dying to finish high school and start college, and then I was dying to finish college and start working, and then I was dying to marry and have children, and then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work, and then I was dying to retire, and now I am dying ... and suddenly I realised I forgot to live.

I'm ?? years old and I have so many unanswered questions!

I still haven't found out Who Let The Dogs Out, where's the Beef, How to get to Sesame Street, Why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps, Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, Why eggs are packaged in flimsy Styrofoam or paper cartons, but batteries are secured in plastic that's as tough as nails, Why woman can't put on mascara with their mouth closed, Why "abbreviated " is such a long word, Why lemon juice is made of artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons, Why they sterilise the needle for lethal injections, And, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where is the extra penny going to, Why does the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune, Why did you just try to sing those previous songs, And just what is Victoria's secret?, And do you think I am this witty???

I actually got this from a friend who got it from another friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's uncle's cousin's, baby mamma's doctor that lived next door to an old class mate. Now it is your turn to take it from me. Copy and Paste, change the age, and give someone else something to laugh at!

(C) 2015 ~ 2020~ Hits / Week 43 ~ 149 → 149